NASA KNOW-NOTHINGS KNOW TO K.O. COMET..NOTHING ELSE KNOWN!

OK...Work with me on this one, will you NASA? I'm a bit slow, but if you don't use any words over three letters, I will eventually get the drift!

So, one more time, eh? Let me see if I can get this straight.

Am I to understand that, by your own admission, You guys at NASA don't really even know what in thunder a comet is made of for certain, is that right?

And although you tell us that you plan to slam an interplanetary artillery shell head-on into the core of comet Temple, again, by your own admission, you confess that you haven't got a clue as to what the density of the core of this particular comet is like, correct?

In your latest NASA press release you ask:...is the core spongy or is it solid? Well, gimme a break, will ya?…How the heck should I know if YOU don't know?

Plus, (And here's the good part!) You rocket scientists down there in Florida are making no bones about the fact that you haven't got the foggiest idea as to how much ejecta will be thrown off this comet when you put the whammy to it, right?

I am honored that you would bother to ask us plebs a further question.... "Will it be the size of a house or the size of a football field"?
But again I must point out that unless this is some kind of a game of 57 questions....Shucks, guys!..... I ain't gotta clue!

Now you tell us publicly that you don't know if the comet will disintegrate in a spectacular flash, short circuit with a whimper and not a bang, or, if the blasted (literally) thing will just belch a little, pause for a moment, and then move on?

I think your starting to lose me here, guys!

Let's take a break for a moment from what you guys down at NASA "DON"T know, OK?

How about what you DO know?.....Ah, yes! It's right here in today's newspaper, and yesterdays newspaper and the day before yesterday's newspaper.....It says right here in black and white:

EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT! NASA "KNOWS" SOMETHING!

And just WHAT could NASA possibly know, you ask?

Well, if Rupert Murdock is any guide, NASA is quick to assure "We the Sheeple" that they DO know that there is NO danger whatsoever of our post-impacted comet copping a New York Road Rage attitude and making a beeline for earth in order to do a Mama Grizzly bear on all the warm and fuzzy Cub scouts at NASA.....

"Not to Worry" Say the pulchritudinous pundits at Canaveral!

Well, here's a news flash for you, boys!

I'm worried!

Yup! I know its silly, but No matter how hard I try, I just cant seem to find any comfort in knowing that there is at least something that NASA knows!

Maybe it's because I watch too much of that new hit TV show "The Credibility Factor"?..or... uh..... is it "The Fear Factor" ?...or is it BOTH those factors? Heck, I don't know....

Say! .....I'll bet that both those names were probably arrived at independently around the same time and by pure coincidence too,.... just like the name "Deep Impact"!

Who ever it was that said lightning never strikes twice in the same spot has obviously never been to movies at Cape Kennedy!

But wait! THIS JUST IN.... There is ONE other thing that NASA knows!

And that is.......

"We get ONE chance," says Michael A'Hearn, a professor of astronomy at the University of Maryland and Deep Impact principal investigator!

Yea, sure, Michael!...You and all your NASA buddies will at least get one chance....Advance warning to head for high ground!
After all, you have the equipment that we taxpayers paid for that will tell you just how much of a chance you get in order to ...."git" ...if the "impossible" suddenly became "Possible."

But, Michael....

What I want to know is....How about the rest of us? Do we get a "chance" too?

You remember us, don't you ?...The "taxation without representation" folks?

Yup! That's us!......We're those annoyingly ungrateful schlepps who dare to bitch because we didn't get a vote on whether or not we wanted to play hackie sack with a rock the size of Manhattan!

But, silly me! I keep forgetting that you know we are absolutely safe!

And, How do I know? That's easy! Because you told me so!

So, In order to be a better person I here by promise that:I'll try to be less of an ingrate in the future and focus more on just how lucky we are to be the privileged passengers who get to take NASA's word that good old Terra is 100 percent risk free from irate asteroids and that our deep impact insurance premiums will not be canceled for undue cause!

Gee...all this is because the one thing that you apparently assure us you DO know, is the post-impact ballistics and projectory of this wannabe planetoid....Never mind the fact that what you DON'T know is if there will be just a couple of giant post-impact pieces or a million medium sized post-impact pieces!

Uh...Hey, Mike! ...By the way, not to change the subject or anything, but....How come I get this uneasy feeling that you NASA guys are all on the board of Directors for the Rand Corporation?

And...

It's a good thing I'm not paranoid, because now that I have said the unspeakable "Rand" word.....

There's just a tad bit too much Synchronicity going on around here for my liking..... Deep Impact?... July 4th? Independence Day? ... Fireworks? ...This whole thing is starting to give me the Bruce Willis...er, I mean the bad Willes!

What say we end on a positive note here, eh? Enough of this paranoid doom and gloom!

And that positive note is:........

Whew! I'm sure happy to hear that there is at least SOMETHING that NASA knows about this 300 million dollar project!

I suppose that a ratio of one "We know" out of a field of several dozen "We don't knows" should be good enough for Government work!

Hey, you know what?... This "positive note" concept is pretty heady stuff!

In fact, I'm feeling so positive and confident in what I now know that NASA knows, that at this point that I think I'll cash in my retirement and go buy some more US Treasury Bonds! .....NOT!

-CliffMickelson